Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
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