and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
