is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize