I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
