Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
