You can't motorboat a personality
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
