So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
