He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
