Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
