did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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