she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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