Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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