Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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