My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
