hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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