last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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