he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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