I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
