Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
