Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
