your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
