i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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