My cat gives me a boner
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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