sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
