I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
