it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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