I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
