I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
