I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Randomize
