I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
