2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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