We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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