dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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