Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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