I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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