someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
