On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
