Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
