i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
