Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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