This girl is more easily done than said...
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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