FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
