spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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