My girlfriend figured out who you are.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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