Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
