dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
