My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
