Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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