You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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