Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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