I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
