Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
