So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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