also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
i now understand why vodka
Randomize
