Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Randomize
