May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
