So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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