I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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