omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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