What a fucking waste of an outfit
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
