Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Don't make out with my wife yet
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Randomize
