i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Can you bring me the toilet please
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
