the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Randomize
