if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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