I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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