so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
