Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
