Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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