so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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