You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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