I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
